Long distance relationships or LDR’s can be hard work. But they can also be pretty amazing and truly rewarding. If you survive a long distance relationship then this means you’re likely to have a much more stable/long lasting relationship. I have put together a detailed guide and a list of pro’s and con’s to help you decide whether a long distance relationship is right for you.
1. Work twice as hard
Be prepared to work twice as hard to make it work. Not seeing someone for a long time can be very difficult and testing on anyone. There will be lots of times when you miss them. Long distance relationships are not for everyone, it takes a certain type of person to handle a long distance relationship. Someone who is very patient as it also takes a lot of trust.
Call or text each other everyday. This shows that even though you’re far apart you are still thinking about them and they’re still a big part of your life.
3. Time limit
Establish a maximum amount of time that you are willing to go without seeing each other and stick to it. Do not go any longer than this limit without seeing each other.
4. Video call
Every so often make an effort to video call each other. This is much more personal than a text or phone call and will make you feel closer to each other. It is lovely to see the other person’s face and be able to see there facial reactions to your conversations. If you can’t see each other in person then this is the next best thing.
5. Be patient
Yes it might be hard at times at the moment not seeing each other for weeks or months at a time. But you have to see the bigger picture. Focus on the future and think about the life you’re working towards. It can take time before you are able to live together and being apart so much can be frustrating so you will have to be patient.
Send lots of photos. If you’re going out or just looking good then take a selfie and send it to your partner. It will be a welcome surprise and show that you were thinking about them. They can also look at the photos if they miss you.
7. Make time
We can all be guilty of being busy or getting caught up in everyday life but you should make even more of an effort to make time for each other in a long distance relationship. Call, text and just let the other person know that you’re thinking about them.
You need to build up a lot of trust if you’re going to survive huge chunks of time apart. The best way of doing this is through plenty of communication and always being honest and open with each other. Express your emotions. If you’re feeling something then let the other person know. This openness will build a more intimate relationship.
9. If texting goes wrong
Sometimes when texting things can be misinterpreted and taken out of context. This could cause an argument. If this happens then do not continue to discuss the issue via text. Phone them immediately or let them know that you will phone them later to discuss it. Once on the phone you should never shout at or raise your voice to each other. Raising your voice can make everything worse. Instead talk calmly and treat each other with respect. Do not talk over each other and allow the other person to have their say as well. Great communication skills are key to a successful long distance relationship.
Make sure you always text each other good morning and goodnight. To be the first and last person that someone thinks about shows how important you are to them.
Act like your in a relationship. Just because your partner is not around most of the time and cannot see what you’re up to this does not mean that you can act like a single person. You are in a relationship and should act accordingly. Have respect for your partners feelings. Do not do things that would make them unhappy or that they would feel uncomfortable about. They might not be around but this doesn’t mean you should conduct yourself any differently than if they were.
12. Everyday life
Tell your partner everything. If you have a bad day at work then share this with them, if you went shopping then tell them. Your partner needs to feel included in your life. Never make them feel like an outsider or like they don’t know you.
Make sure you offer support to your partner even if you are not there to give it in person. If they’re upset and need someone to talk to then phone them. No one likes to go through stuff alone and when you have a partner you shouldn’t have to.
14. Do not lie
Never lie about anything. Not even little white lies. If the other person finds out you lied, no matter how small the lie was it will break the trust and make them question everything you say to them.
15. Don’t do stuff in anger
If you have an argument then don’t make rash decisions and act out. Wait until you have both calmed down and you will probably sort things out. Trust is an important thing and no one want to worry about what the other person may do when they’re angry or upset or feel like they cannot trust them.
16. Make each other feel special
Send random cards or gifts in the post. They don’t have to be expensive things. Time and effort are the most valuable things we can give to someone and they show that you care.
17. Learn about each others lives
Take your partner to your favourite places and introduce them to your friends and family. This will help them to feel like a big part of your life even when you’re apart.
Control your jealousy. Do not come across too possessive and accuse the other person of cheating all the time. This will kill a relationship. You need to trust your partner 100% or your relationship is doomed to fail. Better trust can be earned through great communication and being reliable. If you disappear off the radar for a few days then obviously this will make your partner question your actions.
19. Cost of travelling
Long distance relationships can be expensive. Make sure one person isn’t footing all the cost of travel. Ideally it should be split fifty fifty. If one person does all the travelling then give them half the money towards their travel expenses. It can kill a relationship if one person is forking out more money to sustain the relationship than the other. Also you should both be willing to travel to each other to make it fair.
20. Plan visits
Set dates well in advance to visit and stick to them. Even if they are a month or two in the future. This will ensure that you don’t leave it too long without seeing each other as last minute plans to see each other rarely happen in a long distance relationship.
21. Staying over
If you stay over at your partner’s then try and make it feel more like home. For example buy your own toiletries to leave there. If you have everyday items that you usually use at home then buy the same items to leave at your partner’s for you to use when you’re there. A big problem with long distance relationships is that you can get homesick if you are staying at your partner’s for a while and leave your friends, family and life behind. So having familiar stuff around you can make you feel less homesick.
22. Special occasions
Make sure you always celebrate special occasions like birthdays and valentines day. If you are apart on the special day then send cards and gifts via post. Then the next time you see each other do something together in honour of that special day. Don’t miss out on sharing stuff together just because you don’t see each other as often.
23. Never go to bed angry
Never go to bed angry with each other. Sleeping on things, having time to think and not communicating can mean that you over think things. Plus there is nothing worse than going to bed thinking that someone you love doesn’t care about you. Leaving issues and not sorting them out straight away can make them worse. The longer an argument goes on the more frustrated people can get.
24. Tell them
Tell your partner often that you love them. Sometimes we just need to hear someone say it. Even more so when you don’t see each other for long periods of time.
Con’s of long distance relationships
- Not being able to see each other whenever you want to.
- Arguments caused by miscommunication are more likely.
- Missing them.
- Having to say goodbye and knowing that you won’t see them for a long time.
- It takes more effort to sustain a long distance relationship.
Pro’s of long distance relationships
- Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You appreciate the time that you spend together more. Also there is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you see your partner after being without them for a long time. It feels amazing.
- You learn excellent communication skills.
- You get more freedom and can have a break/do your own thing for a bit.
- It takes a serious amount of trust to make a long distance relationship work. So if you accomplish this then you will have an amazingly strong, stable and long lasting relationship.
- You never take each other for granted because you know what it’s like to live without them.