We all dream of the fairy tale romance and finding someone that we will live happily ever after with. But are you with the right person or are you just settling? Here are a list of questions you should be asking to find out whether your relationship is right for you.
Are you happy? If you can’t imagine being happier in any other relationship then that is a good sign that you are in the right relationship for you. If you have been happier in other relationships then that is not a good sign,
Can you act naturally and be yourself around them? Or do you find yourself hiding stuff and doing stuff in secret? If you cannot be yourself then you will never be happy in the relationship.
Are they happy?
Does your company make the other person happy? Is their happiness increased when you’re around them? Do they smile and laugh more in your presence? Do you put them in a good mood?
Does your partner care when you’re upset? Someone who truly cares for you and loves you will care when you are upset. Even more so if they are the one that upset you.
Conflicts and arguments
Do you manage conflicts and arguments well? Can you effectively communicate and work things out?
Are they reliable? Do they stick to plans and keep their promises? Or can you just not count on them to follow through with anything they say?
Do you have the same plans for the future and life together? Does the person just refer to the here and now when talking about you as a couple or do they talk about a future with you?
Do they open up?
We only open up to people that we are close to or love. So if they are not telling you anything personal then it might not be love.
Is your relationship mostly full of drama? Do you spend more time being frustrated or upset with each other than you are happy? If so then it might be time to call it a day.
Do you spend enough time together? Does your partner set aside enough time to spend quality time with you? Do you enjoy the time you spend together?
Things that bother you
Can you live with their 3 most annoying habits?
No matter what
Will they be there for you no matter what? Can you count on them in any situation? Or do you often have to face things alone?
Do they make you feel safe in the relationship and in general? Do they offer you security?
Are you good enough?
Is your partner happy with you just the way you are? Or do they expect you to change just to please them? If the answer is yes they expect you to change then find someone else who appreciates you just the way you are. There is someone out there who will love you just the way you are.
Do they take you for granted?
Does your partner make you feel used or taken for granted? Are you often giving more than you receive emotionally or physically? Have they abused your good nature because they think you will always be there for them and push you to your limits because they know they can get away with it? Do they use you to do all the housework or make you do everything just because they know you will do it? This is not a healthy relationship. Teamwork is a vital part of a relationship. You should always feel appreciated by your partner.
Does your partner do nice things for you? Part of being in love with someone means wanting to make them happy. So do they do little things like cook you dinner, do your washing or look after you when you are ill? We usually only do these things for people when we love them.
Abuse and manipulation
Abuse isn’t just physical, it can be verbal as well. The most common types of abuse are physical, emotional, sexual and psychological. Non of these should occur in a healthy relationship. Do not blame yourself if any of these things happen and don’t make excuses for the person. Leave the relationship immediately. There are helplines that you can phone if you need help or just need to talk to someone. (Details provided below)
The person you are
Do you like the person you are when you are with them?
Chemistry and compatibility
If all you have is chemistry then your relationship is not going to last very long. You need to be compatible as people as well. For example it would help if you shared the same hobbies or interests, maybe the same sense of humour or even share similar lifestyles.
Does your partner have the ability to compromise? Or is it their way or no way?
Is it easy?
Is it easy being together or is it a constant struggle because you are always arguing or just don’t get along most of the time?
Are they willing to put the effort into the relationship or are you left doing all the work?
Do you feel satisfied with the relationship? Is it boosting you up as well as your confidence or is it making you feel down?
Do they try to make up?
Does your partner try to work things out after an argument or is it always you doing all the chasing and trying to smooth things over? If so then this is not a healthy relationship.
Does your partner give you compliments and really mean them? Not just the typical “hi beautiful” or “hey handsome” which can sound a bit automatic but real compliments about your physical appearance or things that they like about you?
Do they miss you when you are not with them? If someone truly loves you then they will miss you when you are not around.
Do you both regard family in the same way. Do they not bother with their family and expect you to shun yours? Or are they family focused too much and their family are always in your lives and business?
Do they have a mean temper on them? Can they fly off the handle for no reason? If so then do not tolerate this. Get out of the relationship immediately.
Can you live with all of their flaws? It is almost impossible to change a life time of habits of a fully grown adult. It will also often end badly if you try to change someone. So if you can’t live with their flaws then don’t live with them.
Are they generous with their time and attention? Or are you giving more than you are receiving? Do they give you enough affection and admiration? The right person will find time to do all of these things.
Chasing after them
Are you always the one chasing after them and the relationship and putting in all the effort all the time? The right relationship should feel natural and not one sided. There should be equal efforts from both people in the relationship.
Do you feel an intensely strong connection between the two of you? Like you were meant to be together and just can’t explain how you know? If so then they may just be the one.
Useful links and numbers
Refuge – Women’s Aid
24-Hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline
0808 2000 247
- Translation facilities available
- Services provided for callers who are hard of hearing or deaf.
Men’s Advice Line
Advice and support for men experiencing domestic violence or abuse.
0808 801 0327
- Free to call from landlines and most mobiles.
- Opening hours Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm.
- Web chat service available Tuesday and Thursday between 10am and 4pm.
- Email: email@example.com